How to Help a Loved One Be their Best (not the Worst)
How to be a loving mirror to your loved ones and support them to become their best.
Let us choose one another as companions!
Let us sit at each other’s feet!
Inwardly we have many harmonies — think not
That we are only what we see.
~ Elif Shafak (Forty rules of love)
Relationships are fertile ground for our ultimate growth. They either bring the best out of us and our loved ones or the worst.
When we see any issue with our spouse/child/sibling, whether it’s their bad habits, their temperament, addiction or their personality, we just want to change them and fix that issue somehow.
When we so desperately want our loved one to step up to their higher better self, sometimes our vision gets clouded and we are not able to see who they already are.
In order to really inspire and enhance someone’s journey, you’ll need to continuously grow and evolve yourself first and “Be a Loving Mirror” to them. Knowing very clearly that you can not change anyone, but can only influence them positively or negatively.
Being a loving mirror means you can see their strengths as well as their weaknesses, their potential and qualities, as well as their incapabilities and help them see that too, in a very supportive and compassionate way.
“You can hold someone you love to their highest potential, with grace, love, and complete acceptance only. There is no other way.”
So If you wonder how to become such a compassionate and loving mirror?
Think of a mirror. What does a mirror do?
A mirror only reflects to a person who they are. Only the facts.
The mirror doesn’t make any judgment, opinion, or a story of its own; whether you look good or bad, that’s your own story.
To be a loving mirror to someone you must do the same. Remind yourself regularly it’s for your own growth and evolution.
Show the other person only the facts, without any judgments, opinions or assumptions of your own.
Do this with a lot of compassion, love, and empathy because when you show someone the truth, it can be ego shattering and hurtful.
Cultivating a healthy relationship is an ongoing adventure — requiring playfulness, creativity, and full commitment.
You will need to learn New Paradigms like:
Your journey is not their journey.
It seems straightforward, but it requires a humble and gracious heart to accept that we all have our individual journeys.
It’s important to respect other’s journey of growth and resist imposing your own standards on them.
Celebrate who they already are.
Before you try to show them what’s wrong with them and how they can do better; it’s important to show them what’s wonderful about them already.
When you celebrate someone’s being, when you rejoice in their qualities, you open the doors for their true awesomeness to emerge.
Let go of the attachment to the outcome.
The more attached you are to the outcome, the more disappointed you’ll be and you are less likely to achieve it too.
Just do your best and Surrender.
Fear closes the heart. Love opens it.
When you fear that your partner or loved one will never understand or change, you harden your heart. That fear reflects in your energy and vibes.
While when you love and trust their journey, it softens your heart with compassion and empathy.
Comparison kills your love and happiness.
If you compare your spouse with other people or visualise an ideal spouse, that will not only make you miserable but creates regret, resentments and unproductive desires.
Deep intimate conversations are the key.
Intimacy is created through bearing the heart. This involves risk and being vulnerable.
Do not expect or look for your partner/family to initiate, learn yourself how to start deep meaningful conversations with your loved ones, on a daily basis.
If there are no daily deep encouraging talk in a safe environment, how can you share your greatest fears or hopes with each other?
‘Make sure when your spouse/child reveals his/her deepest fears or secrets, you are prepared to love and encourage, rather than react in judgment.’
A healthy relationship requires both connectedness and aloneness. It’s a great feeling when you can maintain your freedom and independence while also remaining deeply connected to your partner.
That connection begins by cultivating compassion, patience and courage.
Patience does not mean to positively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of the process. It means to look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn.
Lovers never run out of the patience as they know that time is needed for the crescent moon to become full. ~ Elif Shafak
The way you truly help someone is not by making them see your view point or what you think they should or shouldn’t be; rather by helping them find their true beautiful self.
True master is like a transparent glass who let the light pass through them.
Set healthy boundaries. Do not allow their negative patterns or habits impact you personally.
Rather than becoming a doormat, become someone that your loved one can rely on to be real with them.
Help them change in positive ways.
Some Powerful tips:
Do not forget, this is your own spiritual journey and your loved ones are your spiritual masters.
Focus all your energies into becoming calm, peaceful, and non-judgmental. A person who can observe others without getting irritated or assuming anything at all, is very powerful and inspiring.
At appropriate time, gently share the facts of what you see, so you are able to give them the opportunity to hear those facts without feeling blamed or getting defensive.
You have become a Loving Mirror when you find yourself doing this:
- Operate from love rather than anger or fear.
- Observe rather than judge or assume.
- Respond rather than react.
- Handle your own emotions without assigning blame to others for how you think, feel, speak, or behave.
- Set healthy boundaries and do that with dignity and respect.
- Allow others to handle the consequences of their own behavior.
This approach can completely change the atmosphere in your home from general complaints and conflicts to harmonious and happy.
Much love.
