Do We Even Know What We Really Want?
“What you think you want, might keep you away from what you really want.”
Supriya started speaking even before she could settle in her chair.
“My life is in a total mess.”
You don’t know how badly I wanted that promotion!
I can’t even tell you what all I did to get that.
Stayed up for so many long hours….for months, rather for almost two years now.
I ignored my home, my kids, my health, my marriage. Everything.
I’ve put on so much weight, my health is at stake.
My own kids hate me, they don’t want to talk to me. They feel I have no time for them.
I feel distant from my partner. we are losing intimacy and connection.
I did everything that I could possibly do to get there; but still no results.
Tears were rolling down her cheeks. She was inconsolable.
And she did not need a consolation today actually.
Rather what she needed was — “A wake-up call!”
What do you really want?
I just told you what I want.
“No dear, that’s what you think you want.”
I want to know what you want in reality?
Think a little deeper, I insisted.
She took a deep breath…sighed and after a pause she said…
“I just want peace”.
I just want to breathe. Really.
I want to spend quality time with my kids, my family.
I want to enjoy, to laugh, to have a good time.
I want to live….. sigh!
What else?
I want my kids to grow into happy and healthy adults with happy memories of their childhood; not horrible times of their mom screaming helplessly and having meltdowns all the time.
I want my kids to see their mom being strong, being a friend, an ideal; not as a weak and needy person who they need to please.
I want to relax and enjoy life.
I want to stop running this race when I don’t even know why I’m running so fast.
I want to stop fearing what people think of me.
I want to believe in myself and not give a damn about what others think.
I want to feel free. That’s all.
I want to Be Free. She almost screamed while saying “Free”.
What is stopping you from feeling and being free?
My own fears, tension, and judgments.
My belief that if I don’t reach that level, I’ll not be successful and worthy.
If I don’t run faster enough, I would be worthless. People won’t respect me.
I worry about what people will think of me?
Hmmm… Do you know where these thoughts you believe, came from?
Who gave you these beliefs?
Yes I Know, My childhood.
My parents always worried about other’s approval, their reputation among others and they made me believe the same too since I was a little girl.
I am glad that you’re aware of your fears and beliefs and where they come from.
Now the only question left is —
Do you want to change these thoughts and beliefs and ‘start living the way you really want to live’?
Yes, Please. I’ve never been so certain in my life before.
Let’s begin.
In today’s world, millions of people like Supriya, live a life full of suffering because what they think they want, keeps them busy and away from what they actually want.
It’s not that we can’t balance it all, it needs a higher level of awareness, knowing what we’re putting on stake, in chasing our goals blindly.
After coaching many people in my coaching journey, one thing I know for sure is ‘what every human being wants is — deeper satisfaction’. Whether you call it fulfillment, contentment, or peace.
The basic nature of every human being is to be happy or desire happiness.
The Problem is what people think they desire is — a reputed job and designation, a luxury car, a big house, status and a beautiful partner.
Because they believe that a good job, car, house, comfort and luxury will give them satisfaction and peace.
While the truth is these things are for comfort of body and not for your ‘self’. Body doesn’t need satisfaction & meaning in life. It just needs food & protection.
It’s you — “your self” (you can call it your being, your soul or whatever you like), who wants connection and relationships. You want trust, respect, care, and love in those relationships to feel happy & satisfied.
Physical facilities & comfort can provide a comfortable place for you to live, but they can not replace the need for trust, respect, connection, love & care.
Once your basic survival needs are met, every human being wants to fulfill their emotional needs.
You can not enjoy a five-star hotel or a luxury holiday alone for very long, you would want to have a loving partner with whom you can share your joy and happiness.
Same way, you can’t enjoy an amazing meal alone for very long.
There is no problem in having the best comfort and working for them, the problem is when your criteria for success, when the way you see yourselves, your life and relationships, is based on these parameters.
How many of us live our lives based on someone else’s expectations and criteria. Whether it’s our parents, peers or society’s norms.
Till you keep on believing what others and society want you to believe, you’re not free.
Not even free to think and feel what you really really want.
That’s slavery.
Do you want to know what “You really want”?
Sit still. Go within. Introspect.
Challenge every thought, belief and desire you have.
Know yourself deeply and take action from your inner being.
Right time is now.
